I saw Papa's pictures in my bed , holding a microphone and wearing headset . He was assigned in the radio systems of the camp during his work/duty times . Seeing that emotional thing , mixes with my poor-imaginary -sensitive emotion , the vivid color of my dreams shones up like any Sunshines did .
I always want to be lady broadcaster . Since I am not that pretty to be seen on TV , I always dream to be in-front of any microphones . I love giving commentaries on-air , I love making voice out of anybody else . For short , I always want to be someone who always talk and speak .
As time goes so fast like waves in the sea . The waters makes my long pants wet, but after all I still convinced myself to get onto the sea and take some splashing plunge . I am inspired by many media men as I am progressing as a student in my hi-school days . I love saying , " SA ULO NG MGA NAGBABAGANG BALITA ....... " I want to be heard every 4 o'clock in the morning . I love waking up all my neighbors and making them proud .
But as a young person who eventually changes it's mind everytime someone says something , the dilemma comes . I change my mind , I want to be a police woman , I want to wear that "akin-ang-batas" outfit . Besides I really look like a chief police , with this figure- I really deserve it .
Many years after , I decided to be the president of the country . If i could , then let it be . There is nothing to be afraid of . As a young ones , I really want to set some kind of the tallest tower of inspirations to meet my goals . Right ? So let us see what is next .
When I reached college , I supposed to take Criminology course . It is really my plan to have that course . But , when I review the brochure that was given to me by the guidance officer officer of our school , surprisingly I changed my mind . I wrote the words - Bachelor of Arts Major in Mass Communication . I don't know why . I love the feeling of reading those words in my enrollment form . Call me a freak if I would say to you that , it is really not me who wrote that , it is Jessa . Not J-sa , not Jesza , nor Jesxa or even Jesaskeh . It is really the real me . Jessa with no worries what my Mama would tell me when I return home or what they would do unto me if they will know that I change my mind and break what is really expected .
Going home . I never expect what was my Mama's reaction that time . She never scolded me . She even take a look of my prospectus and ask me when is the first day of classes . See ? God wants me to be in here . He wants my good always . He loves me and so as my dreams in life .
A year after , I was granted with a government support scholarship . I am so happy that it came in to my life when my Mama is a kinda depressed by all of the discouragements my older sisters gave her . But , unfortunately , the grant will be implemented if i would shift into another course . My world turns unto gray . my hands are turning into ice that slowly cracks by every moment I think about it . My feet are slowly going to the Earth's core . I really felt that something . The feeling of some monster , ants , bugs and other chaotic things in my liver ( not in my stomach) . I want to cry . So hard . So long . I want to be dramatic but my mind keeps on saying that I have to be practical . I have to and I must .
By the end of this semester I have to see Ms . Feli . I have to make some changes before I shift from Mass Com to Education . While making this post in my blog , while making my tears being kept and making my smiles pure- I must accept the fact the I have to make a great big step towards the word "practicality" . I hate this feeling . The feeling of being pushed to the dike when you knew that it is your best friend did it just for fun . The feeling of saying "yes" to a suitor that makes you think that you are a nonsense being .
Parang punyal na itinirik sa puso ko na pinupukpok ng matigas na bato . Hindi ko alam .
I know someday I will really learn to love my future course . Maybe God has made a lot of plans to me . Maybe those plans are really suited for me . I can drink root beers just forget this thing . Eat a lot of marshmallows while it is hot . Stay away from my MassCom friends just to feel that I am not out of the Earth . Play DoTA to have fun . Everything ! I would really do it just forget that I am taking five stairs backward to my aim and dreams . But the truth is , I will never forget it . I feel it
On the cinnamon , I am expecting that this choice will lead me to a great adventure . As long as I would finish my studies and show the my diploma , I would just laugh in this thing .
My ambition to be a writer is undying . I want to make a legacy on my own . Maybe this is such a way that God destined unto me . I would be the next teacher turned writer! Bwahaahaha! I will be writing my own word in a newspaper , magazines and many more . And the best thing , I would be changing and touching lives by these words that my passion in writing had given to me . It is more than what I want , it is God wants me to be .
Maybe now I would say that this might be some sort of horrible decision in my life , with some tears in my eyes and some wet feeling in my nose while grabbing Kleenex Brand Tissue in my bag - this is great , more than great!
I will never say goodbye to Mass Com , it is my dream and my first love and it will always last . My 'ex' replies to my post in his page , I told him that he have to erase my pictures in his page . The mammal replied , ""BUBURAHIN KO NANG MATAHIMIK KA NA RAW!!" , "okay! request granted!!" and with this , "hayan, nabura na matatahimik ka na."
Making some nasty grin , I remembered the night we broke up . With tears in his eyes with a hug? Poor ex . He really can't forget me ha! Haha . Pero buh-bye gihapon sya ! Gabaan! Haha . Good bye ex! PERFECT!
Unlike him , I am devoted to writing and speaking. I will never get over with it . I can't move on and forget Mass Com . Haha . If na-lalake pa lang ning MassCom , panguyaban ko ni ba! Sus nalang!
I can't say goodbye to writing , MassCom as a whole . I think we are destined but Education is the one my parent's dealed with . I am engaged to it .
Since no one and nothing is perfect . With a kiss and another flying kiss fellas , see you soon MassCom . (This is a a farewell in an almost perfect gestures! )
Jes-cerely yours.
Sumagaysay , Jessa Barquio
ABMC-1
22.o9.11 :((
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